Starbucks: A (nearly) silent Brookmount road Production

February 17, 2010

LIGHTS! (cue dim and clouded daylight)

CAMERA! (cue snoopy unemployed neighbor in 4th floor window)

ACTION! (cue illegally parked yuppy in shiny silver Audi)

Out climbs yuppy #1 in a charcoal grey trench coat, hitting his automatic lock and heading for the door. He disappears into the dimly lit, all glass coffee shop. Yuppy #2 pulls up in an equally shiny silver Mazda and parks illegally next to yuppy #1, simultaneously setting off his car alarm. He runs out of the Starbucks to shut off the wailing alarm, then waits for the lady (who coincidentally scored herself a doorman by parking too close to his car). They retreat into Starbucks together. Approaching from the North, pedestrian yuppy #3 (a more respectable class of yuppy who visits Starbucks because it’s walking distance from home) leaves her two yippy Chihuahuas tied to the street lamp and goes inside. They continue to yelp in that high-pitched tone until she reappears in the window and opens up her laptop. As she settles into her morning email correspondence, her yippy dogs settle down too.

A shiny silver van pulls up and the back door opens. Out jump two teenage yuppies in puffy fur-lined jackets, slamming the door behind them. They throw their hoods up to protect their just “did” hair from the snow (for the 3 foot run to the entrance). Inside, yuppy #1 and #2 sit down at the table next to the lady with the laptop. Looks like yuppy #1 scored a morning coffee date with his suave and gentleman like demeanor.

The door opens and out come the teenagers, overpriced lattes in hand. The hoods go up and they head for the street car, 1st period algebra on the horizon. (exit yuppy teenagers, suspiciously without backpacks)

And for the finale… (cue delivery truck approaching from the alley behind the shop). The driver lays on the horn as he pulls up to the illegally parked Mazda that is blocking the alley. The horn is loud enough to wake up any over-sleeping apartment dweller within a three block radius. Yuppy #2 comes tearing out of the Starbucks, leaving her jacket and coffee behind. Note: yuppy #2 could not see the angry truck driver from her window seat, but she was well aware of who he was honking at.

The yippy dogs go nuts, barking and jumping at the delivery truck. If they could only just get a little more leash, surely together they could take out that monster of a vehicle. As yuppy #2 violently backs up her Mazda, she sets off the alarm again… out runs yuppy #1, holding the door for yuppy #3 who is coming out to calm her babies.

The truck grunts and bellows, screeching as it’s let free from the alley.

Exit yuppy #1, alarm now ceased, back into Starbucks to finish his coffee.

Exit yuppy #2, off to find a new parking space down the street (or possibly just doing a round then coming back to re-park in the alley entrance)

Exit yuppy #3, after retrieving her laptop and untying her dogs, she turns and continues south.

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